No, I'm not dead.
I know, I know, I’ve been missing in action. I have no excuse except to say life gets in the way sometimes. Let me fill you in on what’s been going on…
I went home to Charlotte between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The visit was great but, the trip back to L.A. was a frickin’ nightmare. Weather is always a constant concern why you fly in the winter and it didn’t disappoint this time. (Of course, my timing sucks too.) A huge storm was moving into the South and another was moving through the Mid-West, so my first flight was cancelled. Then, my second flight cancelled. I guess the plane(s) that were coming to pick us up couldn’t get to us and the airline was sent scrambling to find an empty plane to put us on. It was at this point I had an epiphany. When it hits, the zombie apocalypse will start in an airport because the average American traveler doesn’t know enough to charge their f*cking smartphones before they leave their houses. Nor do they know that you can buy battery cases for their phones because the Charlotte-Douglas International Airport went from thIs
in about 30 minutes after the first flight was cancelled. People started walking aimlessly around the terminal holding their phones in one hand and the charging cable in the other while looking for any available wall socket to attach themselves to. The world may stop turning if they were not able to update their Facebook statuses about being stranded in the airport… Our society is totes f*cked.
- Bruce Jenner is denying the rumors that he’s having a sex change.
You know what… I don’t judge. If this is how he copes with being married to that shallow, materialist, over-entitled, pseudo -celeb, pathetic excuse of human being for 20 something years, then I say, have it Bruce. Then again, maybe he’s entering the witness protection program. Having dealt with multiple members of that family, I completely understand.
- So, not too long ago, a twenty something brainiac decided to steal something from the place where I work. It must have been his first venture into the life of crime because he was caught almost immediately by our undercover cop. Now, an interesting tidbit about shoplifting that I never knew is the on sight officers do not let the perp out of their sight until the real cops come to take them away. Our young, brain dead protagonist must not have known this because he thought the best way out of his detainment was to tell our cop and the mall cops that he had to take a sh*t. They refused and he sh*t his pants. I sh*t you not. And when the LAPD showed up to take him to booking, they marched him through the store walking like John Wayne carrying a full load in the back of his pants. On the plus side, he probably didn’t have to worry about being raped while locked up in the pokey.
The Super Bowl sucked ass…
My cat is still an asshole.