King of the Douche Bags
Let's talk about Pat McCrory, shall we? He's the newly elected Governor of my home state of North Carolina and my pick for 2013's "King of the Douche Bags" Award. And let me be clear, I believed him to be a complete douche bag and all-around horse's ass long before now, despite his current accomplishments in the Governor's seat. I'll let the evidence speak for it's self..
Back in my musical-theatre whore days, I worked a lot of catering gigs to make ends meet. My favorite was this place. We hosted several high end, corporate events and/or weddings. You know, the type of functions that allowed the marginally wealthily and/or successful to act like pretentious assholes in front of their family and friends. Pat McCrory was the Mayor of Charlotte back then and I had the unfortunate task of waiting on him and the rest of the City of Charlotte's Planning Committee once a month at a breakfast meeting. Patty boy would open the meeting every month with the same joke; "I'd like to welcome you all to my house this morning…" and then he'd guffaw at his own cleverness while eyes rolled around the room. The best part was it was almost always the same of group of people. Every month. With one or two possible exceptions, it was the same people every month. By the fifth or sixth time he delivered this zinger, Pam Syfert looked like she wanted to crawl in a hole and die. The only thing worse was the time he delivered that tired ass joke with his fly open. True story.
I was also a lucky witness to the time he was late for this monthly meeting because his car was stolen out of his driveway when he left it running in order to warm it up. I think that was the high point of his Mayoral career… Or maybe that honor should go to securing Charlotte as the home of NASCAR Hall of Fame which surprisingly hasn't turned a profit since it opened. But that's the past. Let's look at the present…
- Since moving into the Governor's Mansion in January, Ol' Patty's been busy. There was the controversy of his Cabinet appointments which includes a guy who has his head so far up the Koch brothers' asses, you can't tell where he ends and they begin; another guy who was found guilty of assaulting a neighbors child who now leads the Dept. of Public Safety, and a woman who, after donating up to $216,000 to McCrory's campaigns since 2008 and serving as co-chair of his recent campaign, was given the job to run the Dept of Health and Human Services. One of the biggest agencies in NC and she has no experience in State Government. Patty's seems to be as good to his friends as George W. was to his.
- He signed legislation making North Carolina the 8th State to cut unemployment benefits, preventing 170,00 North Carolinaians from benefitting from federal emergency extended benefits. Because he's a man of the people..
- In March, he signed into Law a bill which opts the state out of the expanded Medicaid program of the Affordable Care Act of 2009, which would have provided health care coverage to 500,000 North Carolinians, citing concerns about the sustainability of the program. Straight up dick move, Pat.
- McCrory signed into Law a bill which repealed the state's Racial Justice Act of 2009. The law, which was repealed, was unique in that it allowed inmates facing the death penalty to use statistics to challenge their sentences on the basis of racial discrimination. Yeah, because a privileged, well-eduacted white guy knows all about racial prejudice.
- He signed legislation which would require voters to present government-issued photo identification in order to vote, repeal same-day voter registration and limit the number of days of early voting. Because the people this effects didn't vote for him in the first place so, f*ck them.
- He passed a state budget that initiated a voucher system for educators and ended tenure for most teachers. Because peasants don't need to educated, right Patty?
- And let's not forget the campaign promise he reneged on, about not limiting abortion rights. Because if you don't have a penis, you don't matter. I think this will be his Campaign slogan in 2016.
Shockingly, his approval rating has fallen to less than 40% since January. I honestly don't see how he can lose the title of "King of the Douche Bags" this year. I'm sure there are other contenders, but since it's my blog and my home state, he's my douche bag.
And had anyone asked me, I would've warned them about voting for a guy that chews with his mouth open... Just saying...