The Adventures of Bimbolinaho

The Blonde leading the Blind...

Humorist, Cycnic, Blogger, Blonde. Kinda like Grumpy Cat, but with boobs. Judging stupid people is my real job.#theblondeleadingtheblind

 

Bimbolina's Reaction to the Oscars

Seth MacFarlane is, hands down, my favorite Oscar host to date. He was brilliantly funny, and snarky and witty and charming and made all of the heavy hitters in the theatre incredibly nervous. So nervous, they were afraid to be caught laughing at some of his jokes. I screamed through most of them because someone finally had the nerve to say all things that have been floating inside my head for years when I watch this show. And he sang and danced. What else could a jaded ex Musical theatre whore ask for in a Oscar's host.

Here are a few of my favorite lines:

 "The quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh, begins now."

"Argo's story was so top secret that the film's director is unknown to the Academy."

 On Ben Affleck - " When I first saw him with all that dark facial hair, I thought the Kardashian's had made the jump to film."

"Django Unchained; This is a film about a man fighting to get back his woman, who's been subjected unthinkable violence. Or as Chris Brown and Rhianna call it, a date movie."

"Django has had multiple controversies for the heavy use of the "N" word in the film. But I was told the script was loosely based on Mel Gibson's voicemail."

"This is interesting, Daniel Day-Lewis not the first actor to be nominated for playing Lincoln. Raymond Massey portrayed him in 1940’s “Abe Lincoln In Illinois.” This is true. I would argue, however, that the actor who really got inside Lincoln’s head was John Wilkes Booth."  "150 years and it's still too soon?"

Asking Daniel Day Lewis about his method, " You stayed in character all day, So how does that work? If you ran into Don Cheadle on the lot, did you try and free him?"

The interaction of Capt Kirk coming back through time to prevent Seth from screwing up was fantastic!

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The first musical number, "We saw your Boobs" with the Gay Men's Chorus of LA made me laugh so hard, I couldn't breathe.

You go Charlize Theron! Dancing with Channing Tatum like they were Dancing with the Stars while Seth sang "The Way You Look Tonight." Awesome Sauce…

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The re-enactment of the movie 'Flight' with sock puppets made me pee a little! Very Funny! It's not everyday you get to see the effects of Alcohol and drug abuse on a sock. When defending it to William Shatner, Seth said, "Denzel has a great sense of humor! He starred in all those 'Nutty Professor' films!"

Daniel Radcliffe & Joseph Gordon Levitt singing High Hopes with Seth? Um….  I'm not sure why that was necessary but, ok...

The final opening sketch of him hitting on Sally Field in the green room while wearing a flying nun costume was wrong on so many levels, but I laughed my ass off anyway…

The Sound of Music joke that introduced Christopher Plummer was fantastic even if I was the only one in the room who got it.  #MusicalTheatreDork…

The closing number, "Here's to the Losers" with Kristin Chenoweth was sublime and very funny.

So on to the Awards...

Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz  -"Django Unchained". He gave an acceptance speech but because of his thick German accent I thought I was listening to 'Sargent Shultz' from "Hogan's Heroes".

Paul Rudd & Melissa McCarthy as presenters...  She looked like she got wrapped up in one of the curtains. And their bit ran on way too long…. Seriously. I heard crickets...

The Cast of the Avengers presented one of the Awards nobody cares about and I still say, of all of them, Samuel L Jackson is the one I wouldn't f*ck with.

I LOVED the theme from Jaws cutting off the acceptance speech of some dude cryin' about money he needed. I kept waiting for Jerry Lewis to come out and point to a total fundraising board.

Jennifer Aniston totally borrowed my dress to wear to the show. She looked great but, I look so much better in that...

Halle Berry…..meh. Did anybody else hope her ex would run up on stage and smack her in the face or was it just me?

What retirement home did they find Shirley Bassey in? She came out to sing the theme from Goldfinger. I didn't know she was still alive…

Oh, look! Olivia Pope got invited to the Oscars! 

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John Travolta's tupee stopped by to Intro the Musical salute to Chicago, Dreamgirls, and Les Mis. What the hell has he been doing to his face? I'm surprised the Scientologists let him out looking like a freak….oh, wait.  Never mind.

Jennifer Hudson came out and wiped the floor with Catherine Zeta-Jones singing the song that won her the Oscar….. there are no words…  Every musical theatre nerd across the country just peed themselves a little. And she got a Standing Ovation!

PS. Catherine if you're going to lip sync in front of a billion people, you should probably learn the lyrics. Ask Ashley Simpson...

The Cast of Les Mis signing "One Day More" was incredible until Russell Crowe came out on stage and ruined it. Could no one bribe the sound guy to mute his mic for the sake of our ears?! Good Lord!

Then we get to the part of the show where they honor all the nerds who won Oscars but were not allowed to come to the awards tonight because they are all way too ugly for TV.

Ted came out to present sound editing… no one really laughed at him either… except me.

Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Anne Hathaway.  Duh…

The Academy president came out & talked about something but I didn't pay attention because it was sooooooooo boooooorrrrrrrrriiiiinnnnnnggggggg....

Adele!!!  Who's better than her? Nobody, that's who.  Bitch is unstoppable…

WTF is Kristin Stewart doing presenting an Oscar?  Or did she win "Best-Non-performance-by-the-most-unattractive-emotionally-stunted-infidelity plagued-morally-questionable-20-something-in-Hollywood"? And would it kill her to brush her hair? Poor Daniel Radcliffe… If he wasn't already gay, he would be now.

Barbara sang "The Way We Were" in honor of Marvin Hamlish and all the Jews cried…

The Cast of of Chicago introduced the music awards and Renee Zellewger looked like she was body jacked by a heroin addict. Seriously, WTF has she been doing?

And then Norah Jones was body jacked by one of the Andrew's sisters....so, it evened out.

Quentin Tarantino always looks disheveled & nasty and stepped on Charlize's Theron's dress for which he'll immediately be sent to hell…

Jane Fonda looks great for an old bag… And neither does Michael Douglas…ew!

Best Director - Steven Speilberg  Ang Lee!  Um….I thought if a Jew was nominated for Best Anything, they automatically won...

Best Actress - Jennifer Lawerence  I so wanted her to win!!! I didn't even care that she fell on her way up to the stage. Her speech was genuine and classy. Hey, Fugly Kristin Stewart, are you paying attention….

Best Actor - Daniel Day Lewis. Duh….

Jack Nicholson, (who looked like Mickey Rooney) & Michelle Obama presenting the Best Picture award?

Weirdest. Oscar Pairing. Ever.

Best Picture - Argo  I was rooting for Ben Affleck and his little movie that could!

In summary, all I can say about this years show is,"Argo f*ck yourself."