The Adventures of Bimbolinaho

The Blonde leading the Blind...

Humorist, Cycnic, Blogger, Blonde. Kinda like Grumpy Cat, but with boobs. Judging stupid people is my real job.#theblondeleadingtheblind

 

Bimbolina's Breakdown: The Golden Globes

Here's what you missed...

Tina Fey and Amy Pohler looked fantastic and their opening segment was spot on. A few of my favorite lines: 

Talking about Kathryn Bigelow, " When it comes to torture, I trust the woman who spent three years married to James Cameron"  - Nailed it.

"Life of pie is the next 6 weeks after I take off this dress" - Suck on that Jenny Craig.

"Quentin Tarantino is the star of all my sexual nightmares" - You and me both,Tina.

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Christoph Waltz is a cute, tiny, little piece of lint who lives in Quentin Tarantino's pocket for safe keeping.

Someone forgot to tell Catherine Zeta-Jones to lay off the booze before singing acapella on National TV cause….damn.

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You'd think the Hobbit would've garnered more nominations since there's one serving as president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Salma Hayack looks amazing but the person running the teleprompter for her segment will never be hired again.

Damian Lewis dedicated his globe to his mom. What a p*ssy...

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Jennifer Lopez was wearing a dress made out of the sticky things you put in your tub to keep you from slipping. Too bad there wasn't enough to cover her mouth. 

P.S.  What the hell is a Yoshiki?!  

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Who wants see Adele squish Jennifer Lopez like a bug… A show of hands? I know I'm not the only one…

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Jessica Alba couldn't afford to have breasts included in her dress this year. I hope next year is more fruitful for her.

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It's nice to see Kevin Costner hasn't lost the ability to bore the sh*t out of millions people with his monosyllabic diatribe… I think he gave the exact same speech when he won for Dances with Wolves, but I can't be sure because I fell asleep.

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Bill Clinton introduced Lincoln and received a standing ovation. Best Line: "OMG! That was Hillary Clinton's husband!"

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Will Ferrell & Kristin Wiig's intro of the nominees for Best Actress in Musical or Comedy made me laugh out loud several times...... however,

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Tommy Lee Jones was not impressed.

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Does Quentin Tarantino not have any upper teeth or are his gums that f*cked up?

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Also, Lucy Liu borrowed her grandmothers couch to wear to the show. So, that was nice.

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Anne Hathaway is classy dame and her thank you to Sally Field for being a pioneer for casting woman against type was poignant and well said.

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The look on Ben Affleck's face when he won for Best Director was the highpoint of the show for me.

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My pretend boyfriend /future husband was there!  Not enough screen time for him though and Lea Michelle was acting a little too clingy…you better back off, b*tch.  He's mine. 

And then we come to the point in the show where they trot out the ugly people holding the briefcases… Why does every award show do this?  We. Don't. Care.

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Jodi Foster won the "Queen of the all Hollywood Lesbians" award.

Wow. Mel Gibson is a sad, pathetic, drunken little man… It looks like being a hateful bigot can really age a person...

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Someone please tell Josh Brolin to lay off the black hair dye. He looks like he should be anchoring the nightly news in South Dakota.

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The best thing I can say about Lena Dunham's outfit was at least it didn't overpower her tattoos. And side note to Lena; B*tch, if you can't walk in high heels then you need to hire the Balloon Handlers  from Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade to get your fat ass up to the stage before we all grow old and die.

Seriously, I was worried about Bill Murray for a moment there.

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Awwwww…….I guess nobody told Daniel Day Lewis he's not eligible to win an award for giving an acceptance speech.. God love him...

And not one cameraman was brave enough to get a shot of  Spielberg's face when Argo won Best Picture… Frowny face.

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And lastly, the performance of the night goes to Glenn Close for her impression of drunken Glenn Close...